One day more.

Sunday was our "one more" day: one more church service, one more dinner out, one more Survivor episode before Ryan's return to UT. With his big trip of a lifetime to Los Angeles and gatherings here with family and friends, his break was jam-packed. 

We loved spending extra time with him. Problem is, I got spoiled. I let myself forget that he doesn't live here full time anymore. If only he weren't so much fun to have around! 

From my perch in the sound booth yesterday, I had a nice view of my family during worship. It does my heart good when Ryan and Katie sit together at church. Just across the aisle from them was a mom, baby on her hip. Fortunately, I didn't notice her until the last song because the juxtaposition was too much for my mom angst to bear. It was only a little while ago that I was the one struggling to keep my baby boy entertained. Just the other day, I was the one wrestling with a wriggly kid. But now I'm wrestling with my emotions: overwhelming pride and joy for my Pride and Joy, but also bitter sadness for that empty chair that'll be at our table tonight. 

Of course, I'm proud of the way he's coming into his own, finding his way in his coursework and in his college town. Brett and I are far from saying, "Our work here is done," but we're grateful that our almost-not-a-teenager is hard-working, intelligent, and kind. 

As Beverly Beckham wrote in her excellent Boston Globe column about children leaving home, "It's not a death. And it's not a tragedy. But it's not nothing, either." There's a profound sadness that comes with this business of letting go. But in a big way, I'm glad I'm sad! We miss him when he's gone because we don't just love him. We LIKE him, too! And isn't that wonderful?

Here's to a great spring semester, Ryan. We love you times "infiniby"! Go get 'em, and hook 'em, too! 

Ups and downs.

One minute my heart is racing as Katie and I talk about her college plans. I picture us hoarding Bed Bath and Beyond coupons to outfit her dorm room. I envision her strutting around campus, loving every bit of her newfound freedom. I imagine the excited phone calls, hearing every detail about her classes and new friends.

The next minute I can hardly catch my breath. Empty nest? Really? But I'm not through with this whole child-rearing thing. I LIKE having my kids at home. How am I supposed to parent from afar? It's hard enough with Ryan living in Austin. How will my heart bear having my children living in two different cities, neither of which is my own?

This is my roller coaster.

LCU Chap Day

Katie and I spent a great weekend at ACU, and several weeks earlier, we had a fun time at LCU Chap Day. It's not hard to get caught up in the rah-rah hoopla, and it's surprisingly easy to picture Katie as one of those grown-up-looking college kids traipsing from dorm to library. But when the campus tour slows and I have a minute to process what's going on, it all hits me. The countdown is on. In nine short months, we'll be moving Katie to a new home away from home.

I'm grateful for my friends who have already sent their babies to college. They know the ache I'm already anticipating, but they reassure me that it will get better. They also wisely suggest I focus on enjoying THIS phase instead of worrying about the next. And wouldn't you know it, our current sermon series at Heritage was custom-made just for me: "Why Worry?"

So I pray. I focus on the excitement. I look forward to impromptu date nights whenever the heck Brett and I feel like it. And I climb in, fasten my seat belt, and lower the lap bar.

I always liked roller coasters anyway.

ACU Wildcat Preview Day

Unbelievably 18.

For Katie's birthday, we met up with her aunt and uncles (Nana was under the weather) at her favorite restaurant, Chuy's.

Happy 18th birthday, Kates! I'd say I can't believe you're 18, but as I watch you take on the world, I know you've already taken many "giant leaps" into adulthood. You have blossomed so much this year, tackling multiple jobs, devoting yourself to your many passions, taking control of your education. On top of all that, you're one of the most compassionate people I know, and dadgummit, are you FUNNY! 

I always griped about my parents driving to Austin to be with me on MY birthday (way back when), but now that I consider the prospect of being hours away from you when YOUR next birthday rolls around, I get a little panicky. After all the Barbie cakes and Mexican dinners, the Chuck E. Cheese visits and playground celebrations, will we really have to mark your 19th long-distance? Ay-yi-yi!

Thank goodness it's not 2016 just yet. I'm planning on soaking up every minute of (what's left of) your senior year before you head for Abilene, Lubbock, or wherever your calling leads you. 

You are one of a kind, dear Katie Bug/Shoogs/P-Did/Gorgeous/Boom Sugardy! I thank God that he picked us to raise you.

Fab four.

I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

We spent the weekend in Austin, and for 26 glorious hours, we were four again. When we picked Ryan up, he slid into his usual seat in the Family Truckster and everything just felt RIGHT. We had a great time with him while we were there, but faster than you can say "empty nest," we returned Ryan to his apartment and headed north for home.

We were a little more than an hour into our return trip when I had a question for Ryan. There in the passenger seat, I began to turn toward the boy's spot when I remembered: Even though we're four, most of our days are now spent being three. That seat where he should've been, that vacated space, suddenly consumed all the air in our Equinox. I had to hold my head in my hands, in danger of melting into the upholstery thanks to the sudden influx of tears.

Of course, I'm thrilled that Ryan is enjoying Austin, and I'm truly loving the extra Katie time we're getting now that she's our "only" at home (for this year, anyway). I'm so, so proud of both of them, turning into grown-ups with every phone call, every decision, every step they're taking toward their futures. I know that especially once football season ends, these Sunday afternoon goodbyes will be rarer and his absence will become the norm.

But I don't think I'll ever get used to it.