Nashville mission trip, part 1: Getting there.

It's a blessing to have a job that allows me to serve students and our community during the school year while giving me time to pursue other projects during the summer. It was a real privilege to accompany our church's high schoolers on their mission trip to Nashville, Tenn., July 5-11.

You can see how thrilled Katie was to have her mom as a sponsor.

Our drive to Nashville was an adventure. Fifteen people in a 15-passenger van for 15 hours? Ooh-WEEE, was that fun!

Lunch stop four square in Arkadelphia, Arkansas

Finally in Tennessee: crossing the Mississippi

Hello, Memphis!

Dinner stop in Jackson, Tennessee

Awesome home-cookin' in a homey atmosphere

Mac's BBQ gets 30 thumbs-up

Mac: the man, the legend

After driving all day, we arrived at our Nashville hotel around 10 on Saturday, July 5. The next morning we visited the Oasis, a vibrant, growing church with a worldwide online presence and an amazing worship band. (After all, if you can't find phenomenal musicians in Nashville, where would you?) After that powerful worship experience, we ate lunch and then visited the Parthenon in Centennial Park.

Originally built for Tennessee's 1897 Centennial Exposition, the Parthenon is a full-scale replica of the original in Athens, Greece.

Since it was first intended to be a temporary structure, Nashville's Parthenon was originally built out of plaster and wood. When the city turned the former centennial grounds into a park, citizens decided to make the crumbling structure more permanent. The renovation was completed in 1925.

Soon after that, James M. Cowan donated much of his art collection to the city, with the understanding that the Parthenon would house an art museum. During our visit, we were able to see many of the 19th- and 20th-century American art masterpieces from his collection.

Our visit was extra nostalgic for me. Way back in the late 1970s, we took a family vacation to Nashville and visited the Parthenon there. I remember seeing it then and wondering what Nashville had to do with ancient Greece, but not much else. I do know that inside the Parthenon, we did not see this:

This is the 42-foot statue of Athena, the goddess of wisdom, war, the arts, industry, justice and skill. I know we didn't see it because it was constructed from 1982-1990 and gilded in 2002. 

In Athena's right hand is Nike, the goddess of victory. At her feet (on that day at least) are some of Vertical Youth's missionaries.

From Nashville's parks and rec site: "The plaster replicas of the Parthenon Marbles found in the Naos are direct casts of the original sculptures which adorned the pediments of the Athenian Parthenon, dating back to 438 B.C. The originals of these powerful fragments are housed in the British Museum in London." 

With all that travel and a little tourism behind us, we were ready to begin serving. Next stop: the Donelson Fellowship, our home base for our Week of Hope.

About our 18 wonderful years.

It’s an old joke:

It’s our 20th wedding anniversary. We’re celebrating 18 wonderful years together!

Brett and I repeated that more than a few times as we approached June 18, the day our marriage hit the big 2-0. In our case, though, it’s not just a punch line; it’s the hard truth that too many married couples are unwilling to admit.

I hesitate to even bring this up for fear of (1) hurting our friends whose marriages did not survive or (2) rehashing our own nastiness, which is now in the distant past. But as Brett said, if this can help just one marriage (or one hopeless spouse), it’s worth it.

When we got married in that little church in 1994, we both thought we were in for nothing but love songs and butterflies, for anticipation-filled days spent longing for our imminent reunion after work and for romantic evenings spent out on the town or cozy at home.

June 1994

Of course, we knew there’d be hard times, but relationship issues? US?! Never!!!

So when we found ourselves thinking all hope was lost, when the suitcase was packed or the car was speeding away, it was stunning. How had this happened? How had we fallen to the point that we thought we’d be better off apart than together?

The “why” is nobody else’s business, but let’s just say things were really bad. We both yelled and cried and threw things. (The diamond setting in my wedding ring still has a prong that’s just a little off-center.) There were times when Brett left for a night or two, and there were times I was the one to leave. There were family meetings, long phone calls, hang-ups, and slammed doors. And yes, there was even the dreaded, “I don’t love you anymore.”

But with God’s grace and a whole lot of prayer and support, we survived. One of our counselors wisely told us, “You won’t ever forget this time, but eventually it will feel as if it never happened.” It was hard to believe that then, but now? It’s true!

How did we turn things around? For one, we went to counseling, first with our minister, then with a church friend, and later with an “outside” Christian counselor. It was not fun, and there were plenty of times we could’ve chosen to skip a session or quit going altogether. Honestly, sometimes it was just guilt that kept us going back for more hard questions and tear-filled hours. But go back we did. Is guilt a good reason to go to counseling? Not really. Am I glad our guilt (not to mention my fear that I’d have to spend a Christmas morning without my babies) kept us working through our troubles? Absolutely. Guilt, fear, and concern for our children motivated us when anger and frustration threatened to sabotage our efforts.

Another major help for us: a marriage enrichment workshop. Our church offered “His Needs/Her Needs” at just the right moment for us, and by the time we struggled through the 12-week group therapy program, our marriage was in a much better place. (Our classmates also voted us the “most improved” couple at the end!) Reading the book and doing the weekly assignments worked for us. Full disclosure, though: For other friends who went through a similar program, all this openness and discussion only led to more discord with their spouses. In our case, the program helped us put in the hard work necessary to salvage our relationship and rededicate ourselves to each other.

Our friends and family were instrumental throughout the healing process. They listened when we just needed to vent, they offered childcare when we needed counseling, and in one particular case (as referenced in Brett’s eulogy for his dad), they offered advice. Through it all, they gave us support to keep trudging along through the hardest days.

Time was also our friend. As we worked through our differences, we went out of our way to celebrate our similarities. It took a long time for the tension and residual animosity to go away, but in the meantime it was mighty comforting to share a good belly laugh, to check out our favorite bookstore, to re-watch a classic film, and even (hide your eyes, kids) enjoy a good roll in the hay. Our reconciliation was not linear, mind you; in fact, a few years after our initial crisis we returned to counseling to make sure we stayed on the right path. All along the way, though, we relished those reminders of why we married in the first place.

For our 10th anniversary in 2004, we stood before a goofy Elvis impersonator and renewed our vows in Las Vegas.

June 2004

It was a fun way to celebrate our recommitment to each other, but honestly, the silly ceremony came long after we had rededicated ourselves to our marriage.

As I said, I don’t bring this up to hurt our friends whose marriages didn’t survive. In some cases involving abuse or addiction, a spouse must leave the relationship for his or her own (or the children’s) well-being. In many other cases, one spouse is not willing to stick it out in spite of the other’s best efforts. Divorce happens. A LOT. I get that. That’s a big part of why I feel so blessed that our marriage survived. We beat the odds!

Now, as we celebrate this 20th anniversary, I’m compelled to let other couples know that it is possible to survive and even thrive after a crisis. So here we go with the unsolicited advice:

1. Avoid saying, “If he/she does X, we’re over.” When it’s all hypothetical, it’s easy to declare what you would do, but when you find yourself in that situation, many variables shape your actions. Before I was married, I had my own long list of situations that would absolutely end a marriage, but now that list has dwindled to one item: endangerment. This comes with a second-hand corollary: If you know a couple whose marriage is in crisis, be careful that your absolutes don’t weaken their resolve to work toward a solution.

2. Keep the “D-word” out of your conversations. It’s OK—essential, even—to bring up your struggles. Talk about healing, about getting closer, about getting help to strengthen your marriage, but don’t bring up divorce. Once that word’s uttered and the possibility’s raised, it’s hard to take it off the table.

3. Know that no marriage is completely “divorce proof.” Many couples, especially among the church-going set, seem to think that once they’ve repeated their vows, they don’t have to worry about breaking them. Christian couples divorce all the time. Assuming that it can’t happen to you is unwise. The trick is to practice vigilance while avoiding paranoia, to be attentive to your mate without being too clingy. Many oft-repeated marriage tips help partners stay away from complacency: continue to date your mate after marriage, express your love to each other often, practice the Golden Rule, and on and on. There’s a reason those tips are so prevalent: They work! By the way, surviving one crisis doesn’t exempt you from future ones. I hope Brett and I never take our marriage, as “permanent” as we’d like to think it is, for granted.

4. Don’t assume everyone else’s marriage is better than yours. While a few couples play out every little drama on Facebook, most struggle privately. Know that those smiling faces you see at work and church may be hiding the ugly reality. Do the math: If half of all marriages end in divorce, chances are, a good number of your married friends have been or are going through some sort of marital crisis. (I think this is a big reason for this post. People who didn’t know us back then may assume we’ve always been happily married. I want our friends, especially the ones who haven’t been married very long, to see our scars.)

5. If you find yourself in a relationship crisis, have the patience to ride it out. With our situation, I found myself anxious to fast-forward to a resolution. After every counseling session, I was in a hurry to get to the next one. Each time we ended a confrontational phone call, I looked for excuses to call back and continue the conversation right away. It’s horrible to be in constant crisis mode. Your instinct will be to get out of that state ASAP, but the quickest solution may seem to be divorce. Pray, talk to supportive friends, attend those counseling sessions, do whatever you can to ride out the worst of it. Recovering from a marital crisis is the opposite of courtship: Instead of getting butterflies in your stomach, you’re nauseated all the time, and instead of being constantly flattered and pampered, you may feel attacked and unworthy. But hang in there! It’ll all be worth it if you and your spouse can rebuild your marriage to be even better than it was before. If your marriage does end, you’ll know you gave it your all. (Here’s a big P.S.: “Riding it out” does not mean hanging on indefinitely. A good counselor and a whole lot of prayer can help you know when it’s time to drop the rope.)

Of course, these tips won’t work for everyone, and the last thing I’m trying to do here is insult or blame anyone who has gone through a divorce. I do, however, want to encourage those couples who may be thinking their marriage is forever scarred because of their current crisis. I can’t offer any guarantees, but please know that it IS possible for a troubled marriage to survive and improve. A marriage counselor may have already told you that, but I hope our real-world, cold-hard-reality testimony will help you believe it.

As Brett and I head into our 21st year of marriage, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for this gift we received: a second chance. And more than ever, I’m thankful to have my best friend, my hero, my husband by my side.

June 2014

Iamb what iamb.

Alas, my Facebook page cannot withstand
The influx of the posts I wish to share
To recognize the birth of the great man,
The one we call the Bard–that is, Shakespeare.

So here I'll save the posts that caught my eye
On this, the day we celebrate his birth
Four hundred fifty years ago. And I
Am thankful for the time he was on earth.

Seems most of these were shared via Facebook,
And one came from a search of my YouTube.
On Twitter I have yet to take a look,
but I'll post tweets (unless they're from a rube).

So I did not intend to write a sonnet,
But it's hard to stop once you get started on it.


From Bell Shakespeare (Australia):




From the great Roy Peter Clark, via Poynter
The Shakespeare sentence that changed my life
"Since many of us will not be residents of this distracted globe when Will’s big 5-0-0 comes around, we should do our best to praise him now, and as often as we can for as long as we can. There is no one like him."



Shakespeare quotes a la Cakewrecks
Where There's a Will
"It's Talk Like Shakespeare Day! So, instead of making Much Ado About Wrecking, we're just going to let the Bard himself insult the cakes."


Via Twitter (@JRhodesPianist)

A quiz from the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre

Take the quiz here!

Peace, Good Tickle-Brain (comic strip)

found here: Happy 450th Birthday, Shakespeare!

plus many other Shakespeare-related comics--great stuff!


From The Independent (UK)
Everyday phrases that came from the Bard


Classroom Ideas from NCTE
In 1564, William Shakespeare was born on this day

From CNN

A tree grows (and then dies and then falls) in Dubtown.

It was around 11:30 Tuesday night when our barking dogs woke me up. The cause of their excitement? Our neighbor was knocking on our door. It seems a third of our Bradford pear was now reaching for our driveway, and our across-the-street buddy thought we should know.

When I opened our front door, this is what I saw:

On closer inspection, we discovered the limb was still attached to the trunk:

What really got our attention, though, is where the outer branches landed: on my car!

We were THAT CLOSE to being in one of those Allstate "Mayhem" commercials! In the darkness it was hard to see any damage, but I was certain that at the very least, the paint would be scratched. First thing the next morning, Brett took my ride to a nearby carwash to spray off the hood, which was covered with tree buds and bits. We were stunned (and thrilled!) to see an unscathed hood in the light of day.

Brett managed to detach the big ol' limb from the tree, but to get the rest of that bugger down, we called in a professional. While we were sad to see it go, we had known since late last summer that our tree was dying. We also had discovered that our Bradford pear's short lifespan was pretty typical for this type of tree. Such a shame! There's nothing like a neighborhood filled with blossoming Bradford pears in the springtime. 

Our tree in bloom even made the blog header four years ago. (Another view of that same pic is in this post from March 2010.)

Unfortunately, we have a feeling our neighbors' trees will be following ours to that great forest in the sky. 

Now you see it...

And now you don't!

For our previous adventures in the lumberjack business, check out these posts:
"A Tree Falls in Dubtown"
"Lights Out"
"Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jog"

Happy Daisy Day!

I was driving home last Tuesday when it occurred to me that Daisy's birthday should be coming up. Then I realized that Daisy was born on Good Friday 2013, and even though Easter's still a week away, last year it was in March. Oopsie Daisy! 

(In my defense, Katie and I were in San Antonio and Brett was in Oklahoma on her birthday weekend, so we were a tad bit distracted. I'm still ashamed. Bad "dog mom"!)

Cue the quick detour to our neighborhood Albertson's to pick up a cake, a gift, and some party trimmings.

Ta-dah! Instant party!

It's hard to believe the itty-bitty puffball we adopted last May is already a year old! What a quick year it's been. We are so glad you're part of our family, Daisy, and we are thankful you were born!

The road ends here.

For years I’ve been an cheering bystander along the “Road to the Final Four,” filling out my brackets and rooting for those Cinderellas as March Madness gets underway. This year was extra exciting, though, because that road to college basketball’s championship ended in North Texas. 

To get in on all the excitement, I signed up to volunteer at Final Four-related events. Several people have asked why I wanted to volunteer. I guess I did it just for fun. Years ago I drove a courtesy van for reporters covering the Big 12 tournament in Dallas, and that experience was a blast. How much more fun would working the Final Four be? Besides, it felt great to serve our community and offer our visitors some good ol’ Texas hospitality.

Of course, my volunteer shifts were far from the glamour of Cowboys (AT&T) Stadium where the games would be played. In fact, the closest I got to the court was during the orientation session held at Jerry World—and even then, the court was still in pieces.

It was exciting to be there, though, knowing that this would be the sports world’s epicenter in just a few weeks. Besides, it’s fun to be in that massive stadium. One of our training sessions was in the radio lounge, a meeting area just off the broadcast booths in the stadium. Pretty cool! Also cool: 

getting to pose with the tourney’s ultimate prize!

After the orientation, I was armed with information and my fancy Final Four golf shirt, jacket and hats. I couldn’t wait to get to work! Just a few weeks later, I got my chance.

For my first shift on Friday night, I went straight from school to the Dallas Convention Center downtown. After wading through rush-hour traffic, I reported for duty and got my assignment: manning the waiver station outside “Bracket Town,” the Final Four fan festival. Getting people to sign forms may not sound like fun, but it was! It was great to talk to all the fans as we collected their waivers and put wristbands on folks. Everyone was in such a good mood, and it was interesting to see all the college T-shirts and hear the different accents. Easiest fans to pick out in a crowd? Kentucky’s! Love that twang!

Bright and early Saturday morning, I was at the TCU rec center for the Coca-Cola Youth Clinic. One of three free youth basketball clinics going on across the Metroplex, this Fort Worth one featured drills led by college coaches and assisted by Horned Frog players. I began the day greeting parents and kids, and then I held court (heh heh) at one of the gym’s water stations. My partner, Curt, and I filled the official NCAA cups with water and Powerade for the thirsty little athletes. Again, way more fun than it sounds! But really, watching third through sixth graders learn defensive strategy (and flop! The coach had them practice FLOPPING!) was a blast. Big bonus: I shared a private convo with Superfrog. 

Once our water station was cleared and the kids were back with their families, I headed home. There I gathered my own family and headed to Bracket Town. On Friday I’d seen enough to know that Brett and Katie would love it, and I knew I wouldn’t get to play while volunteering.

The video wall at the entrance

Throughout the exhibit hall were sponsors’ promotions and activities. Several of them, like AT&T, asked you to complete a certain number of tasks before collecting your premiums. We spent much of our time working on our Capital One punch cards. In the Capital One areas, it was fun to see sports other than basketball represented, from baseball to lacrosse, from hockey to golf.

The receiving game

The passing challenge

Passing

Lacrosse “rocket shot” (testing for speed)

 After trying their hands at other sports, Brett and Katie were itching to play some roundball.

After some warmup shots, they were ready for a few games of knockout. In line I saw an old friend, our school’s basketball coach!

Katie’s already plenty competitive, but playing against someone we know (who also happens to be really, REALLY good) made these rounds of knockout extra fun!

Did I mention he’s really good?

And yes, Katie knocked him out! Coach missed precious few shots, but Katie capitalized on one of his errant attempts and sent him packing—for that round, anyway. (I found out later that he entered the big knockout contest and won some cash. Can’t say I’m surprised!)

Brett got in on the action, too. I think he and Katie could’ve spent the rest of the weekend playing endless knockout rounds.

Making our visit extra special was getting to see part of the first semifinal game on the big screens scattered around the exhibit hall. While waiting for different activities, I’d check the score. It was crazy to see this big upset in the making as UConn overcame an early deficit to take down the favorite and overall top seed, Florida.

At this particular station, Katie and I had our picture taken at the “Tournament Central” desk. After we posed, we got to see our photo, complete with Clark Kellogg and Charles Barkley. Now that was a surprise!

Before moving on, Katie cashed in our Capital One punch cards to collect some serious swag. Stylin’.

After that we hit up the Allstate section with its variety of shooting challenges.

Katie ended up winning three pairs of Allstate sunglasses. I, meanwhile, took home an Allstate Final Four insulated cup. Good times.

 We ran out of time before we could get to every sponsor’s area, but we had a great evening.

On Sunday night, I was back at Bracket Town to work my final shift. This time I was stationed at the NCAA “Spirit Court.” A couple of “coaches” were on the court to introduce a variety of shots, and randomly assembled teams would try to be the first to 10. My job was to check for waiver wristbands and help regulate the number of people on the court at once. At times we’d be overrun with kids, energetic youngsters who would come off the court and circle right back in line to get back out there. Other times we’d have super-competitive college kids who would scout their teammates, determined to find a winning combination of shooters. Again, keeping those players in line doesn’t sound like a good time, but it was! If it weren’t for my tired feet, I could’ve stayed out there all night. Alas, my dogs were barking by the time Bracket Town closed at 8, so I turned in my volunteer credentials and headed home, sad to see my Final Four glory days come to an end. 

Speaking of “Glory Days,” as I left the convention center parking garage, I passed the March Madness Music Festival stage where Bruce Springsteen was performing. Now THAT’S the way to end a shift: being serenaded by “The Boss” himself.

So here’s to Big D and the rest of North Texas for a great job hosting the Final Four. I can’t wait for our next chance to host. I’ll be one of the first to volunteer!